Legends of Ruislip
The Ruislip Region, where the Ruislip Tetrarchy exists, has many legends from the days of micronationalism. While only Lytera is still active, these tales are still known. The tales are mostly true, with parts exaggerated over the years for a greater story. Due to a lack of pictures from the time, only eyewitness accounts exist of the events documented below.
The Great Tree
The great tree was a tree that blocked the original entrance to the Clubhaus Memorial Ground when it was the capital of Clubhausia. It made entering the capital an issue. Many efforts were made to try and push it down ,to no avail, until Alexander I, King of Lytera and John, Emperor of Lorentia worked together, making the tree collapse. The now fallen tree was dragged into the central meeting area, and used as a bench for observers to watch and propose ideas to the council. It was kept by Lorentia when they took over, and survived the Sacking of Clubhaus by Fizona at the end of the war. Thought immovable, by the time Lyteran officials surveyed the park in 2019, it had vanished.
The Pish and Pishism
The Great Pish was a mythical being even at the time of Clubhausia. It was, supposedly, a knight from the medieval era who lived at stonefield park. Pish's gender was unknown until 2013, where more of the story was discovered. Pish was first mentioned as a mispronunciation of Fish by a guest to the nearby school, and was made quickly into a cult following. Pishism was followed by many throughout the school, and many left items at the Gravestone (A build up brick pile) of Pish for good luck. In 2013, The Pebbles, one of the many Prophets of Pish, discovered Pish's Full Name. "Pish Hobbit Poppadom Minion Healy." The legend goes that Pish's Jealous cousin, Known only as Einaeb, was jealous of Pish's heroics, and killed and ate her. How Pebbles discovered this is not known, but it was quickly accepted as fact. The destruction of Pish's grave by Lorentia turned many of the people against John, Emperor of Lorentia
Pish was believed to have performed many miracles over the years, including:
- Slaying a Dragon (Medieval Era)
- Giving Alex and John strength to pull the Great Tree down (Early 2010s)
- Bringing back Mr Smith's Ghost (1980s)
- Making Maryniak pay for the Cello (2010s)
- Almost hitting Mapply with Lightning (2010s)
- Sending a earthquake after Miss Fossil (2012)
- Blessing The Caveman Club (2010s)
- Leading Ella to the stolen goods (2010s)
- Getting rid of Zimon's doll (2010s)
- Giving Alex the power to defeat Malaki with the force (2014)
- Giving Alex the holy blessing to defeat Matthew in The Lyteran War of the Crown (2017)
Pishism is still fondly remembered by many, and is joked about often amongst people Alexander I, King of Lytera still talks to from Primary School. Pish was so influential that they had a song dedicated to them by The Pebbles. Most of the lyrics have been forgotten but the parts known are below.
"One day in Assembly, a woman talked about fish Made a mispronunciation, started the tale, of the hero named
Hero of the park, from long ago they fought for us, to help us be free they could survive an arrow to the knee they were the
The evil Einaeb was jealous of the tales The Fame, The Fans, of the heroic female, Killed her in secret and ate her bones, But we still remember the story of the
The Caveman Club
Officially known as The Mace of Daniel of Clubhausia The Caveman Club was a plastic hollow caveman club owned by Bourne School. It became infamous as the weapon used by Daniel of Clubhausia to smite the evil Fossil (who can be found below). The club vanished during The Great Ruislip War and is presumed lost forever.
Miss Van-Fossil was the nickname given to a hated teacher at Bourne. She was known for trying to stop the spread of Pishism and Clubhausia. During the purge of 2012, The Year 4s used all their power to get rid of her. Glue was stuck to her, Daniel used the Caveman Club to beat her, and she was locked in the Storage Room. She left for San Francisco a week after, and on the day of landing, an earthquake struck. Many saw this as divine intervention by Pish, and it is unknown if she survived.
Davenport was another teacher at Bourne, and was considered the worst teacher due to her attitude. Due to how long she'd been at the school, the purge failed to remove her, as people were too scared to attack her. As of 2019, she still teaches at the school, though many legends about her have been exaggerated.
Mapply was the headteacher of the school when Republic of Clubhausia existed. She was known for her idiotic moves, and reluctance to sort issues. Her most notable event was when she took an umbrella out during a particularly bad storm ,and almost got electrocuted at the school. Her last act at the school destroyed many locations from when members of Clubhausia's government went to the school, such as the swings and seasaw. She left in 2016.
Mr Maryniak and The Chair
Marinyak was the music teacher at the school with a known anger issues, mainly pertaining to his eyesight. His most notable act was the destruction of John, Emperor of Lorentia's cello. He got angry during choir practice, as witnessed by Ellie of Clubhausia, and threw a chair, which missed the students but destroyed the cello. Divine intervention was to strike again, as he was made to pay for it.
Malaki made a name for himself and His Malaki Order during the War by predicting the future. It was later revealed he had people help fake these predictions of the future, but it was heavily believed, and even made the State Religion of the nearby Rohan Horde. However, his powers were debunked in what was considered divine intervention by Pish. During an attack on the Empire of Lorentia, Alex stuck his hand out, as if using the force, and Malaki fell to the ground, cutting his knee. His followers fled in terror after. This event caused the downfall of both the Rohan Horde and Malaki Order.
Mr Smith was the name of a ghost who was believed to have killed himself at the school in the 1980s. He is believed by some to be one of the Prophets of Pish due to the word being carved into a desk in his supposed room. He was believed to haunt the Year 6 classroom on the top floor, and would arrive every Halloween. During the 2013 Halloween School Party, Ellie of Clubhausia went upstairs, and swore on her life that she had seen a shadowy figure. Whether she did or if her mind played tricks on her is unknown.
Zimon, also known as The Mad Prophet, was a follower of Pish who was seen as an outcast. She was known for her crazy and outlandish claims, such as: Being from the Amazon Rainforest Flying to School every day That the balance boards were her children That nits were healthy
Zimon's obsession with the balance boards as children ended when she brought a baby doll into school, however, divine intervention struck, as it was lost over the fence by a well aimed throw from an unknown person after being beaten by Daniel of Clubhausia with his club. Zimon's claim about nits being healthy made everyone stay away from her, and she eventually left school, as it was discovered she did have nits. Rumours have it she lives in the Amazon now with her sister.
Lol The Zombie
Lol was a strange clipart image of a bald man staring into the camera. Who, or what he was is unknown, but many believe he was Mr Smith, or a Prophet of Pish. A picture of him exists somewhere in St. Cavendish, but it is currently missing. A bust of Lol made of clay was made in 2011, and rested on top of an artistic replica of the Grave of Pish. The clay model was made by Alex, John and Daniel, and was presumed destroyed in The Great Ruislip War at some point. This was due to the fact the replica of the grave had been smashed as well by John, similarly to the original. On the 28th of August 2019, a chance meeting with John revealed he still had the statue, having kept it due to his fondness for Lol and the fact he helped make it. The statue was given to Alex on the 30th, and now resides in the capital of Lytera. It is the only known surviving piece of history not etched into anything.
Fatima was the sister of Hassan and second in line for the Caliph. However, she was known to carry a pillow around often, and the pillow's significance became a running joke, with many claiming she had 'Zimon Syndrome', thinking it was her child. What became of the pillow and Fatima is unknown.
Molly the Werewolf
A goth girl named Molly believed she was a werewolf, and had werewolf meetings in the night. People mocked her, until stuff began to vanish. The rare visit of Ella from the Guirlzi Clique to her home discovered that she had been the one stealing it all, in a ritual to summon Satan or Einaeb. She was expelled from Pishism and her current location is unknown.
While not actually a grave, a large stone by Playa Major has often been considered a holy site for Pishism. It has, in recent years, been considered a cursed site, due to it's use in the Wolf movie, but these claims are dubious. While nobody knows for sure who (in the legends) is buried there, there are many theories. The first is that it is the true grave of Pish, with the destroyed one built by Clubhausia being a decoy. The second is that it is Mr Smith's, the long dead ghost of the 80s. The third is that it is Detective Ellie's, though due to the fictional nature of the character this is seen as unlikely. Lastly, some claim, due to it's supposed curse and use in the Wolf movie, that it is the grave of Einaeb.
Einaeb is the name given to Pish's cousin, and is thought to be a reincarnation of the devil. They lived in the same time as Pish, and were jealous of them, so they ate them. However, Pish's followers built the Pish Gravestone to remember her, and drove Einaeb out of the village, which the Old Playground was supposedly built on top of. Many people have been believed to be reincarnations of Einaeb, including John, after he destroyed Pish's grave. Some of the people believed at the time to be reincarnations of Einaeb were:
- Adolf Hitler
- Benito Mussolini
- Osama Bin Laden
- Miss Mapply
- John, Emperor of Lorentia