Itzen Report

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Itzen Investigation
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Released UnderItzen Investigation
AuthorAttorney General SONS Owen Itzen
Released6 April 2019
Main FiguresMaximilian Joseph, President Cooper Norfolk, Iyan Seeker, and Emmett Winters

The Itzen Report was the full report of the Itzen Investigation released by Attorney General SONS Owen Itzen on 6 April 2019.

History

Release

On 6 April 2019, Attorney General SONS Owen Itzen, who was representing the Office of the Attorney General of the Democratic Republic of Seybold, announced that he had released the full Itzen Report of the official Itzen Investigation. That announcement was made at about 12:00 GMT-5 to President Cooper Norfolk, who then grammatically edited the report and submitted it to the public of the Democratic Republic of Seybold. The Itzen Report has been long awaited by citizens of the Democratic Republic of Seybold and many citizens were very happy to see it finally come. The Itzen Report is most likely the most important part of Seyboldish history for 2019 and in the entire existence of the Democratic Republic of Seybold. It is important because it is the first Federal Investigation that has occurred in the Democratic Republic of Seybold and it could result in the first deportation of the Democratic Republic of Seybold. This was also big news for the Norfolk Administration, as they had worked hard to get the investigation completed. The Norfolk Administration definitely celebrated the Report being released and had a small celebration consisting of President Cooper Norfolk only. After President Cooper Norfolk checked the report for grammar and spelling, he decided to release it to the public of the Democratic Republic of Seybold. He did this via the “Official Seybold Discord Server” and messaging citizens who had expressed feelings against Maximilian Joseph, the man at the center of the Itzen Investigation. The Itzen Report is four pages long with four paragraphs that describe the crimes of Maximilian Joseph and the Investigation overall. It is titled “Office of the Attorney General, Itzen Report, Attorney General SONS Owen Itzen, 6 Apr. 2019, Itzen Investigation.” The investigation says quote, “This Report is a Federal Investigation ordered by the Office of the President of the Democratic Republic of Seybold, specifically the Head of the Norfolk Administration President Cooper Norfolk, on 28 March 2019 in a Private School in Florida. This Investigation was originally dated to be finished anytime during September or August of 2019, according to the Direction of the Office of the President of the Democratic Republic of Seybold. I am finishing this investigation earlier due to stress from the public of the Democratic Republic of Seybold and other personal stress. I was able to get all the information I needed and was able to come to a conclusion relating to Maximilian Joseph and the 2019 Seybold Civil War Threats. That topic will be further discussed in the following paragraphs, but there still is more to be heard from me, Attorney General SONS Owen Itzen, in this paragraph. I would like to make sure that the citizens of the Democratic Republic of Seybold understand that I did receive a folder full of information, most of it confidential, from the Office of the President of the Democratic Republic of Seybold. I will only be able to share some of the information in that folder because the public does not have clearance to read that sensitive information. It should also be noted that this Investigation takes place in three main locations. The three main locations are the Federal District of New Springfield, a Private School in Florida, and the ‘Seybold Discord Server,’ which is a website and mobile app that serves as a communication software. That server is used by the Seybold government members to communicate with each other and other micronationalists who have also been ‘invited’ to the ‘Seybold Discord Server.’ All of the offences that Maximilian Joseph has committed are not against the law, but they are offences that are heavily shamed upon by the micronational community. Just as a warning, the following paragraphs may involve some heavy and disturbing language and may not be suitable for some viewers. For some background information, the 2019 Seybold Civil War Threats was a situation involving Maximilian Joseph where he threatened to declare civil war against every other political party in the Democratic Republic of Seybold. After an Emergency Council Meeting and further negotiations with Maximilian Joseph, he decided to quote, “call off the civil war” one day after he ‘declared civil war.’ This prompted a federal investigation into his involvement of Maximilian Joseph in the 2019 Seybold Civil War Threats. In this investigation, it was easy to see that Maximilian Joseph was the main cause of the 2019 Seybold Civil War Threats. The evidence that was provided to me showed that the threatened the civil war against all other political parties of the Democratic Republic of Seybold. The evidence that was provided to me that showed that Maximilian Joseph was the main cause of the 2019 Seybold Civil War Threats was eyewitness reports from President Cooper Norfolk and Head of the Seybold Department of Construction Iyan Seeker. They apparently were there the moment that Maximilian Joseph “declared a civil war.” Another piece of evidence that Maximilian Joseph was the main cause of the 2019 Seybold Civil War Threats is that Maximilian Joseph himself admits to considering a declaration of Civil War. He had talked about this publicly and apparently ‘declared civil war,’ or at least threatening to, multiple times unofficially after the main ‘declaration of civil war.’ This information allowed me to give Maximilian Joseph his first two federal charges. Those two charges were Treason, for declaring a civil war during a calm period of time in the Democratic Republic of Seybold and Conspiring Against the Government, for reasons close to the Treason charge on Maximilian Joseph. Maximilian Joseph does have other charges that will be explained in the next paragraph. Maximilian Joseph has other chargers that may be more serious than or equal to treason and conspiring against the government. He has reportedly harassed multiple citizens of the Democratic Republic of Seybold, all of them are government members. According to information from eyewitness accounts from Iyan Seeker and President Cooper Norfolk have allowed me to release the Maximilian Joseph verbally and physically harassed the government members mentioned above. Maximilian Joseph reportedly called President Cooper Norfolk “Burnt B**ch” and told him to “F**k off” multiple times and hit both of the government members mentioned above with a lunchbox on multiple occasions before and after the 2019 Seybold Civil War Threats. This is not a very serious offence, but I would like to classify this offence as Harassment due to the number of times the harassment occurred. Maximilian Joseph also griefed multiple MicroWiki pages that are related to the Democratic Republic of Seybold. The pages that were somewhat griefed was the MicroWiki Page of Head of the Seybold Department of Environmental Protection and Carbon Control Nathan Nats and the main page of the Democratic Republic of Seybold. On Nathan Nats’ page, Maximilian Joseph removed the common depiction of Nathan Nats from his Infobox and put “I like trains I like trains.” When the photo was put back up, Maximilian Joseph changed the tagline “Common Depiction of Nathan Nats 35 years older and more white” instead of just “Common Depiction of Nathan Nats.” On the main page of the Democratic Republic of Seybold, Maximilian Joseph wrote things like “Due to A corrupt government, one of the Stalinist leaders have declared war to hopefully save the government. Good luck everyone,” “This is a warning of deportion threat. I will go further in order for me to be a member if this Micronations,” “I would consider that a… warning threat to deport me and I will get other Micronations involved in this. The bad ones,” and “this Micronations government is very corrupt. They have constantly tried to deport me and are finally doing it on Friday. Reasons are unknown.” Maximilian Joseph also attempted to blank the page, but effectively put the entire page into an infobox. The edits were reverted by President Cooper Norfolk, but it was still a nuisance. This is not a crime, I just felt that it should have been put in this report to point out that he has also done this. If it were a crime, it would most likely loosely fit under the category of Harassment. Another horrible thing that Maximilian Joseph has done is he has threatened to murder a government member. This is one of the most serious crimes committed by Maximilian Joseph that was uncovered by this investigation. This crime would be classified as Threatening a Government Member of the Democratic Republic of Seybold or just Threatening a Government Member. The Government Member that was threatened by Maximilian Joseph was the new head of the Seybold Department of Immigration Emmett Winters. The situation came up in a conversation with President Cooper Norfolk, Emmett Winters, and Maximilian Joseph when the topic of the Itzen Investigation came up somehow. The conversation became somewhat tense when that topic was brought up. Half-way through an argument suggesting the deportation of Maximilian Joseph, he threatened to murder Emmett Winters. The exact sentence that Maximilian Joseph, according to President Cooper Norfolk, was quote, “I will starting hurting people if this happens, you’re first Emmett.” The sentence was very disturbing to both people in the conversation and they left the area as soon as possible. Because of this statement, Emmett Winters was given special protection from the Seybold Reserve and should continue this protection until he feels that he is safe from Maximilian Joseph. This would be the fourth charge that Maximilian Joseph has been found guilty of committing. My suggestion, as the Attorney General of the Democratic Republic of Seybold, is to immediately deport Maximilian Joseph because of his charges of Treason, Conspiring Against the Government, Harassment, and Threatening a Government Member. The President of the Democratic Republic of Seybold has full power to do this and I wish that he would do something along those lines as soon as he possibly can to remove the threat, Maximilian Joseph, from the Democratic Republic of Seybold. This concludes Attorney General SONS Owen Itzen’s Investigation into Maximilian Joseph.” The investigation concludes that Maximillian Joseph has committed four federal crimes that could be punishable by deportation. The four final crimes that the Attorney General of the Democratic Republic of Seybold determined that Maximilian Joseph has committed is Treason, Conspiring Against the Government, Harassment and Threatening a Government Member. The charges of Treason and Conspiring Against the Government come from the 2019 Seybold Civil War Threats. Those two charges were expected to be discovered as soon as the investigation had begun. The other two charges, Harassment and Threatening a Government Member, were not expected at all. According to the Itzen Report, Maximilian Joseph verbally harassed government members, such as Iyan Seeker and President Cooper Norfolk, with very inappropriate words that will not be used in this newspaper. The charge of Threating a Government Member is a very serious crime and one that the Democratic Republic of Seybold did not expect to occur. Maximilian Joseph apparently threatened to murder the Head of the Seybold Department of Immigration Emmett Winters, which is a very serious crime in the United States of America, which is where Maximilian Joseph will most likely be deported and is shamed upon by the micronational community. Thankfully, Emmett Winters was given protection from the Seybold Reserve so he would not be attacked by Maximilian Joseph.