Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria
|This article refers to a nation which is currently in a state of inactivity. You can help make the article reflect that or ask on the talk page for further information.|
|Motto: "I rule, you suck" |
National Anthem: The Internationale (temporary)
|Official language(s)||English, Binary, Swahili, Twi'leki|
|Government||Single party Communist state|
|- General Marshal||Jonathan W. Huehner|
|- First Lady of the DPRJ||Miranda Kempf|
|- Prime Minister||Earl N. Huehner|
|- Foreign Minister||Karl H. Huehner|
|- Politburo Chief||Alf R. Huehner|
|- Supreme Speaker||Columbo H. Huehner|
|- Central Planning Commissar||Terry W. Huehner|
|Calender system||Jonitorian Calender|
|Official Religion(s)||None (State atheism)|
|Area Claimed||3 acres|
|- Official Citizens||4|
|- in-Border Population||4|
|Currency||Jonitorian Credit Note (JCN)|
|Stock Exchange Locations(s)||None(prohibited by law)|
|Drives on the||Right|
The Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria (DPRJ) is a communist micronation founded in the year 2009 (Jon 20 - Juche 97) in the heart of the city of West Bend, Wisconsin USA. Created by the earnest will of the Great Comrade and the unshakable masses, the three-bedroom, single-party people's republic enjoys a relaxed, peaceful existence with micronations across the globe.
The Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria is a communist government and one of the last communist governments existing today (the country maintains the Maoist idea of self-criticism and usually criticizes past and current communist regimes for their shortcomings). The DPRJ describes itself as a "micro proletarian paradise state" and the true successor of the communist ideal.
The original property that currently houses the DPRJ was created in 1956 with the construction of a three-bedroom, two-bath ranch-style home. Upon the birth of the Great Comrade in 1989, the home and its property eventually declared itself to be a Marxist state when the Great Comrade turned 20 years old and seceded in the year 2009. Local outside governments continue to persuade the small people's republic to rejoin the United States, but as of April 2011, all neogotiations remain at a stalmate.
Government and politics
The Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria is a single-party communist state under the direct control and guidance of the Communist Worker's Party of the DPRJ. The Communist Worker's Party of the DPRJ is the only legally-allowed party to exist in the nation's highest position of political power, the Supreme Jonitorian Worker's Assembly. Contrary to popular outside conception, the General Marshal serves only as the figurehead for the nation and has the Prime Minister fulfill all government duties. While the General Marshal does have a say in all government affairs, the Socialist Constitution maintains that total power over the control over the country belongs solely to the masses. Elections are held every five years and every member of the Supreme Jonitorian Worker's Assembly is limited to two terms each. Any citizen of the DPRJ may run for public office, provided they are a) above the age of 18 b) registered to vote in the country and c) swear an oathe to uphold the will of the mases, the protection of the state and the ideals put forward by communism.
The country's government follows the Jonism ideology and implemented the policy as the official state ideology in March 2010. The current Socialist Constitution of the DPRJ recognizes Marxism-Leninism, Trotskyism, Maoism (Mao Zedong Thought), Guevarism, Ho Chi Minh Ideology and Kimilsungism (Juche) with aspects of Friedrich Nietzsche's works as all contributing philosophies in the creation of Jonism and the DPRJ. Despite Jonism being the official policy guiding the country's decision-making and planning, the government still considers the DPRJ as a Marxist state and continues to adhere to socialist principles.
The economy of the DPRJ is one of the world's few remaining highly-centralized planned economies. Unlike the majority of so-called current "communist states," the DPRJ staunchly remains with an almost entirely government-owned monopoly on businesses, industry, manufacturing and other ventures with nearly all economic policies being drawn up and implemented by the government's Central Economic Agency. Private industries are prohibited, but a sizeable "Special Enterprise Zone" has been established as of recently to help off-set foreign debt. While many outsiders consider this the DPRJ's pre-mature version of perestroika, for better or for worse, but the General Marshal continues to deny this allegation and insists that the "Special Enterprise Zone" is only a temporary economic measure.
Attempts at self-suffiency
Despite continuing attempts to adhere to the Juche Idea's principle of self-suffiency, the DPRJ relies heavily on foreign food, water and energy imports. Attempts to create an agrarian society have met with mixed results as of April 2011, but the standard of living remains at a high level. Unemployment is virtually non-existent and the country has implemented a "right to work" law in its Constitution.
The First Jonitorian five-year Economic plan
The DPRJ launched the first Jonitorian Five-Year Economic Plan in March 2011 to speed up the development of the country and has "clean, reform and preserve" as the main goals of this plan. The Central Economic Agency continues to add and drop goals related to the economic plan and all changes must be approved by the Supreme Jonitorian Worker's Assembly before any implementation can be done.
A demilitarized zone separating the land-locked DPRJ from the United States exists along the border between the two countries. Strangely enough, another DMZ exists between the living room sofa and the study office chair as state law prohibits the use of airsoft weapons in this area. Both DPRJ and American governments have proposed the installation of barbed-wire fences and electric gates, but none of these ideas have yet to be implemented. Travel is permitted as the DPRJ does have several vehicles and imports are brought into the country by these vehicles.
Education of Marxist philosophy is mandatory for all residents of the DPRJ. Classes are usually held in the basement of the house with regular recreation and other productive pleasures held during breaks (recess). A swing set is located in the backyard of the house, but it is presently being used as a make-shift guardhouse to spot illegal immigrants, spies and imperialists that may want to cross the border.
The DPRJ requires all citizens to be active members of the armed forces and trained in all forms of combat as well as weekly lesons regarding military strategy and theory. The DPRJ has an armory located in an undisclosed location and is said to possess numerous airsoft guns, hand-to-hand weapons (sticks), foam dart projectiles, modified bicycles equipped with armor and a new foam-dart-launcher-of-mass-destruction codenamed the K.I.M.J.O.N.G.I.L. (Kiloton Idiosyncratic Missile Jet Ouitdrive Guided Intercontinental Launcher). The United Nations has repeatedly asked the DPRJ to disclose the creation of this new weapon design to no avail.
The DPRJ retains strong friendly relations with the People's Republic of Mandania as well as other micronations (both communist and otherwise). Another strong foreign relation is the Glorious Nation of Stanistan , despite the fact that the two nations remain headlocked in a quasi-Cold War. Conversely, the DPRJ remains mostly neutral with current "communist" states like Cuba, Vietnam, Laos, North Korea and China and while this neutrality is proclaimed, DPRJ state television and newspapers regularly criticize the excesses and failures of the past and current leaders of these countries and their policies. The DPRJ also routinely speaks out against imperialism, but has, at times, praised the United Nations for its anti-world hunger programs. A "non-aggression" pact has been drawn up (under accordance with a goal set up by the First Jonitorian Five-Year Economic Plan) and will be sent to United States President Barack Obama sometime in the near future.
The DPRJ Communist Worker's Party strangely continues to recognize former communist country's governments and not the current regimes in power. For example, the DPRJ regularly praises the former People's Democratic Party of Afghanistan for their creation of the Democratic Republic of Afghanistan and condemns the current non-communist government for failing to protect and expand the people, demolishing socialism and letting the extremist Taliban seize power.
On May 2, 2011, General Marshal Jonathan W. Huehner congratulated United States President Barack Obama and Navy SEAL Team Six with the successful operation to kill Osama bin Laden. While maintaining criticism of imperialism, General Marshal Huehner said that "Osama bin Laden was a heatless murderer who hated atheism, communism and anyone who disagreed with his radical religious rhetoric and while I do wish this man was brought before an international court for his deeds, his death does bring closure to many of his victims."
A small publication firm exists in the DPRJ known as (The Glorious People's) Educational Disorder Publications, Inc. and has published Quotations from the Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria, a book containing random quotes and "words of wisdom" from the people of the DPRJ. The book hopes to eventually out-print the Holy Bible and every citizen of the DPRJ is required to read and study the text. Here are a few selected quotes from the book:
- “I ate a frog once.”
- “Not every nation succeeds at first. Just look at Croatia, poor at first…somewhat poor a few years later and now…boom! Croatia is now a big industrious ally for the proletariat.”
- “Get rid of the body!”
- “Apple sucks…Apple will suck…Apple continues to suck.”
- “Allan Quatermain and King Solomon’s Mines is the poor man’s Indiana Jones.”
- “Never outperform your neighbor…jealously may untie the future for our nation.”
- “Minecraft is addicting, but don’t let it become an excuse to stall intellectual progress.”
- “Using too many abbreviations can lead to something as simple as LOL evolving into the ugly imperialist monster that is ROTFLMAOWPIMP.”
- “Never rub another man’s rhubarb!”
- “A duck can swim, a bird can fly, but a person (most) can walk. Take that, Stephen Hawking!”
- “Eating enough chicken can cure AIDS. People will hate you if you say such things.”
- “All in all and after all that has been said and repeated, Linux isn’t too bad.”
- “Give me liberty or give me ham sandwich…on pumpernickel.”
- “Despite what imperialist Hollywood producers would like to have us believe, hiding behind a metal door will not save you from a fire blast tearing through a tunnel.”
- “It is strange to note that mold infestations can be good if you are ‘into that kind of thing.’”
- “Back to the sneakedy-sneak.”
- “Hash browns are not to be used as a makeshift ventilator.”
- Other government-sponsored publications include:
- Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels: The Communist Manifesto, Das Kapital Volumes 1, 2 and 3, The Principles of Communism, Wage Labor and Capital and Socialism: Utopian and Scientifc
- Vladimir Lenin: What Is To Be Done?, Imperialism: The Highest Stage of Capitalism and State and Revolution
- Leon Trotsky: Between Red and White, In Defense of Marxism, The Third International After Lenin, Trotsky's Military Writings and War and International
- Ho Chi Minh: Equality!, Oppression Hits All Races, Tweleve Recommendations and The Path Which Led Me To Leninism
- Ernesto "Che" Guevara: Guerilla Warfare, The Motorcycle Diaries and Marx & Engels: An Introduction
- Mao Zedong: On Guerilla Warfare, On Practice, On Contradiction, On Protracted War and Quotations From Chairman Mao Zedong
- Kim-Il Sung: Complete Collection of Kim-Il Sung's Works
- Salvador Allende: First Speech to the Chilean Parliament, Speech to the United Nations and Last Words to the Nation
Culture and Arts
The DPRJ encourages artwork and proclaims the arts as a means to "strengthen the nation's masses and help build socialism."
Propaganda is common throughout the country with posters uttering national slogans, portraits of fellow comrades, busts, flags and various images of the Great Comrade and his many exploits in nation building.
Jonvision is the DPRJ's chief 24-hour state television service available for free to the populace. The TV channel regularly features patriotic music, reruns of The Twilight Zone, The Green Hornet, Batman: The Animated Series and To Catch a Predator and the occasional movie mark Jonvision's usual programming schedule. Foreign television viewing is universally permitted, however the government does like to urge the citizens to occasionally mock and ridicule certain shows like The Real World, Jersey Shore, Cartoon Network's non-cartoon shows and Howie Do It (now cancelled).
Cinema is also a much-talked about subject in the DPRJ with the Great Comrade proclaiming the "nation's need for film production facilities and other incentives to create wonderous motion pictures and animated entertainment." The 1959 motion picture "Plan 9 From Outer Space" is listed as the DPRJ's "National Film" and is regularly played on Jonvision's late-night programming block during weekends. The Great Comrade once spoke of the movie as "a landmark in filmmaking" and "light years ahead of its time with a strong moral message that continues to echo all these years later."
The DPRJ issues pamphlets describing the Communist Worker's Party's platform, plans for the following months, meeting times and other information. Recently, a paper hand-out campaign to promote the use of oral hygiene has met with considerable success. Freedom of speech is listed as a constitutional right in the Socialist Constitution and many workers have used the publication facilities to expand the voice of the nation's masses. According to state reports, 100% of the population is literate.
Religious freedom is strictly prohibited in the DPRJ and the policy of state atheism is strongly stated in the Socialist Constitution. Referencing Marx's Critique of Hegel's Philosophy of Right, the DPRJ prohibits the construction of any and all religious buildings in its borders. Furthermore, the government actively pursues and organizes campaigns to criticize and condemn religion as "a remnant of the old world that needs to be removed before humanity can progress any further." The country's education curriculum enforces these antireligion campaigns with the teaching of evolution and the criticism of religious explanations for life, including the so-called intelligent design movement and its beliefs.
Criticisms of fellow communists, theories and practices
While the DPRJ is an advowed Marxist state, the government does not shy away from making controversial remarks and criticisms of other communists, theories and practices. The DPRJ remains highly critical of the views and policies created by Joseph Stalin, Enver Hoxcha, Josip Broz Tito, Nicolae Ceausescu and Pol Pot, while taking occasional disagreement "pokes" at Chinese Paramount Leader/General Secretary Hu Jintao and North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il. While the government does accept the fact that many communists have been influenced by Stalin, the DPRJ does condemn the excesses under Stalin's regime such as his paranoia and forced labor projects. The DPRJ views these persistent criticisms as a "necessary tool in reshaping, reforming and revamping the communist ideal" and "aiding the pursuit of the many people that continue to see communism as a 'failed ideology' and as a 'tool to murder tens of millions of people.'" Recently, a campaign to issue pamphlets and small writings comparing Marx's original intent with the distorted views of later theories and practices has met with tremendous success according to a Communist Worker's Party report.
The DPRJ People's Science Center for Socialist Progress has produced some unusual and controversial scientific theories/discoveries ranging from health ailments to the missing link for the theory of evolution. While scientists from around the world continue to question and criticize the DPRJ's theories and findings, here are a few examples of what state reports say:
- New Jersey USA is the leading cause of all venereal diseases in the world...fact.
- Bigfoot is real because the former cryptid is the DPRJ's "National Two-Legged Mammal."
- The so-called "Knowledge Generation Bureau" feature only one proven fact: Elizabeth Bogush is a hottie.
- Desmond Llewelyn shall forever remain as the only actor to portray the character "Q " in the James Bond movies. All the other portrayals of the character are imperalist lies.
- The Metal Gear Solid steath video game series is far superior to Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell.
- Speaking of Tom Clancy, that guy is a total hack and the DPRJ hopes he takes a long walk off a short pier.
- Mountain Dew is the best-tasting soda ever produced by mankind.
- Badges, we don't need no stinking badges!
- WD-40 is the only sure-fire way to speed-up any slow computer.
- If it takes two to tango, then it takes three to properly assemble a nuclear warhead.
- Area 51 is real. Don't believe us? Google Earth it then.
- Rutanya Alda's performance in Amityville II: The Possession should have earned her an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.
- A yawning hamster is a sure sign that rain is coming.