Testicle Garcia
Testicle Garcia is an Cuban-Badu Parkian military commander. He is known to police as delusional and psychotic. He is the only person to achieve the rank of Field Admiral.
Biography
Testicle Garcia was born in 1986 in Guantánamo, Cuba into a working class family of Catalan decent. His father operated ship-loaders at Caimanera port and his mother worked in a sugar mill. Testicle Garcia attended school at Escuela Primaria Clodomira Acosta but failed to complete the cuban equivalent to year 10. His teachers repeatedly made the comment: 'he is the stupid one, he never complete his work'. Upon turning 16 he enlisted in the Cuban army where he received training to operate the PT-76 light tank. He failed the training and was transferred to the infantry. He was discharged from the army in 2003 for shooting himself in the foot as a joke. The reason cited for the discharge was 'extreme stupidity and non compliance with army regulation'. Upon being discharged from the army he became disillusioned with living in Cuba, so he subsequently stole 18,000 pesos from a bank and booked a flight to Madrid. After leaving Cuba he took a job at the post office where he worked in package sorting he held the job for a month before it was discovered that he was stealing packages. He fled Madrid and began to drive towards France. Halfway through his journey his car was stopped and he was kidnapped by Basque separatist group ETA and held for ransom. He somehow managed to escape after he convinced the separatists that he was 'not worth a cent'. He managed to get to Paris where upon arriving he was arrested for crossing the border without a visa. he was deported back to Spain. After being deported back to Spain he applied for political asylum in Australia, which was granted (his reason was that he was a 'victim' of communism and Castro) and in 2005 he moved to Sydney, Australia where he immediately began to claim Centrelink payments. In 2006, after a year of being homeless, he moved into a small block of apartments. In this small block of apartments he met a man named Japitty Cumquat. The struck an accord after Garcia complemented Japitty Cumquats 'musical talent'. In 2019 Japitty Cumquat recruited Testicle Garcia to become Field Admiral of his new 'Badu Park Municipal People's Army'. He gladly accepted, referencing his 'elite military background and training'
Political Views & Personal Life
Testicle Garcia has no wife or children and his only family lives in Cuba. He has no discernable ideology other than extreme militarism.
Badu Park Military Service
Testicle Garcia was commissioned as Field Admiral for the Badu Park Municipal People's Army in 2019, and since then, he has commanded one defensive operation. Garcia commanded a detachment of Badu Park Presidential Guard during a Xahastanian invasion of Badu Park. During this battle, he commanded a detachment of Presidential Guard to charge the Xahastanian defensive line in a suicidal assault, causing heavy casualties. Testicle Garcia was removed from his post for investigation by the Badu Park Secret Police for this horrific blunder on the basis of command negligence, and has since been cleared of any wrongdoing and reinstated. Testicle Garcia is considered to be one of the worst military commanders within the Inner West Park Annexation Movement.
Criminal Record
Testicle Garcia has a small criminal record:
- Robbery
- Theft
- Illegal Immigration