Kingdom of Slabovia

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Slabovia (also known as The United Slabovian Empire) is an unrecognized micronation founded (retroactively) by George Bragg, Patrick Goddard, Rankin MacGillivray, and David Yarker in the mid 1980's. Its origins can be traced to those ridiculous questions that teachers used to ask in early high school, like "an apple costs $3.50 in Outer Slabovia where the tax rate is 21%. What is the total tax payable on a baker's dozen of apples?" By grade 11 the founders had figured out that there was no Slabovia and set about creating one so that such questions could be contested (which never actually worked).


History

Colonial Era 1984 to 1988 were the formative years for Slabovia. Not yet large enough or organized enough to be a nation, it was felt that "colony" was a more appropriate and descriptive term. It is not known what government the Slabovian Colony was a colony of though. Under the leadership of Governor Tom St. John, the government enjoyed a policy of blissful unawareness. The colony was effectively lawless, with each and every citizen following the example set by the Governor. Taxes were far in excess of 21%, with the idiot tax being the most lucrative of the numerous types and layers of taxes imposed by the soon-to-be billionaire Governor. Eventually, there was a llama uprising and Governor St. John disappeared.

BBS Era In January 1989, Slabovia was already in the middle of a civil war, as General Evad Rekray led the Upper Slabovian Army through Middle Slabovia, only to be slaughtered by the Socialist Front Liberation Army of Lower Slabovia. Middle Slabovia subsequently went missing when a nucular toaster was left plugged in overnight. Outer Middle Slabovia had already been overrun by the llama rebels.

At this point, the leadership of Slabovia consisted of the King (father of Moneca Blackwell, d. early February 1989 under mysterious circumstances), George C. Bragg (head of state and commander of Llama-Be-Gone Elite Forces), and Queen Moneca I (crowned March 4, 1989 after the February 29 Massacre). The coronation of Moneca established the capital at Byetown. However, Slabovia remained a hodgepodge of kingdoms, principalities, and other, lesser, territories all vying for control.

FOOLS Era In July, 1989, Moneca dispatched Bragg, MacGillivray, and recent recruit to the Combined Forces of the United Slabovian Empire Patrick T. Goddard, to Byetown to establish the Force of Occupation LeBreton Street (FOOLS). On August 1, 1989, Slabovia declared Bore - and put three of its most valuable officers on the case to secure a general headquarters for the purpose of waging Bore. This also ensured one simple target for Slabovia’s enemies - who turned out to be basically whoever Bragg, MacGillivray, and Goddard determined them to be in the course of their Bore-related and Bore-unrelated activities.

In February 1990, Public Enemy #1 Doug Hewco claimed that Queen Moneca had been overthrown in exile. It was subsequently discovered that Jack “the Riper” Ryder had smuggled her out of the country. On February 15, 1990, Moneca was proclaimed Empress of the United Empire of Slabovia. Shortly thereafter, support grew for the cause of Queen Justine, whose claims to the throne were variously supported and opposed. Justine's whereabouts following her 19th birthday on March 2, 1990 are unknown. Moneca Blackwell again stepped up to the plate, this time as Slabovia's spiritual leader (in the absence of any other leadership) as High Priestess of the Twin Gods Evan and Wu, who were purported to have returned at that time, in fulfillment of prophesy.

Poker Era From 1992 to 1995, the Government (or at least several key government officials) used to convene weekly around a poker table. Drinks were consumed, clothes were shed, chairs were broken, and policy was enacted.

As World Bore One continued through early 1992, CICCFUSE determined that FOOLS was not fulfilling its requirements, and separated the CFUSE Operations Centre from it. MacGillivray was placed in command of Slabovian Queen’s Active Response Executive; Logistics, Analysis, Intelligence, Retroactive (SQUARE LAIR). In August 1992, Goddard was dispatched as a mole to Montsurreal.

Goddard and Commander Mike Dosenbach discovered in late February 1994 that Slabovia was a mere pawn in a cosmic Slabovian Rules Chess match between the actually benevolent Hoover Damites and the so-called Benevolent Alien Snail Overlords. This led to the signing of the Treaty of Michiganopolis and the formal end of World Bore One on August 1, 1994.

Expeditionary Era Beginning in 1995, Slabovia began to secretly restore its military and amass weapons and engines of bore under the leadership of her new supreme dictator Thomas St. John who took power by force from Dictator Rankin and Count George who had been appointed Joint Heads of State by Moneca Blackwell when she was exhiled in early 1995.

On November 2, 1996, Slabovia engaged in some very sensitive border negotiations with Beers over the Fritzi Line. Slabovia's negotiator, Patrick Goddard distracted Ambassador Seddon of Beers while the USMC (United Slabovian Maroon Corps) splattered Fritzi (the dog whose tail axis was used to define the borderline), thus resolving the issue once and for all. The fire hydrant on the Line remained Slabovian while the land, water, water table, and everything else below it to the earth’s core became Beers property.

Realizing that stability would be the undoing of Slabovia, Commander MacGillivray recommended in April, 1997, that the Treaty of Michiganopolis be unsigned.

The Purple Reign Era Goddard further recommended at the second Regressional Convention in September 1998, that World Bore Two be declared. By this time, Dictator Tom St. John had once again plundered the nation's coffers and vanished without a trace along with his Second Banana (B-2) Jim Zinck and at that same Regressional Convention, on September 5, 1998, George C. Bragg was placed on the Porcelain Throne and sworn at as King. On December 11, 1999, King George and the crew of the USS Maltese Falcon delivered the now-unsigned Treaty to the ASOMS Michiganopolis, and World Bore Two was on. As nothing significant has been done about it since, the Global Bore in Error continues unabated.

In August 2010, Liam the Terrible staged an unsuccessful coup during the fourth annual Regressional Convention in Byetown. King George was away on important state business at the time, and was unable to defend his crown. Liam held power for an entire minute before the nation, tired of his tyranny and desperate for anybody to unseat him, unanimously voted King Penny onto the throne.

In September 2011, King Penny abdicated the throne to avoid a scandal. Her last Royal act was to declare King George II as her successor.

The Coronation of King George 2.0 marked the beginning of a period of enlightenment and awareness. A Gnu age.


Heads Of State

-Governor Saint John (1984-1988) -Queen Moneca I (1988-1989), (1989,1995) -Queen Justine (1989) -High Priestess Of Evan And Wu, Moneca (1989) -Dictator-Elect Rankin MacGillivray (1989) -Joint Heads Of State, Rankin MacGillivray And George Bragg (1995-1995)