Federated Kingdoms of the Malaxe
Federated Kingdoms of the Malaxe (en) Royaumes Fédérés de la Malaxe | |
|---|---|
 Flag | |
| Motto: Laugh and remember (fr : Rire, et se souvenir) | |
| Anthem: I have rarely seen this (fr : J'ai rarement vu ça) | |
| Capital and largest city | Bourg-la-Malaxe |
| Official languages | French and french language with strong accent, English |
| Religion | The Left |
| Demonym(s) | Malaxois, Malaxoise |
| Government | Monocameral polyarchy |
• King-protector | Baron Van Dhom-Cat (interim) |
• First-king | Sam Pizza Van Dhom-Cat (interim) |
| Legislature | The Table |
| Establishment | 8 juillet 2017 |
| Area | |
• Total | 0.018 km2 (0.0069 sq mi) |
| Population | |
• 2022 census | 18 |
| Currency | €uro (de facto) |
| Time zone | (UTC +1) |
| Today part of | France |
The Federated Kingdoms of the Malaxe (French: Royaumes Fédérés de la Malaxe), more commonly known as The Malaxe (French : La Malaxe), is a micronation landlocked between France and the swimming pool. Founded on 8 July 2012, the Malaxe struggled to take her independency but finally got it in 2017. It was the beginning of a long journey to finally federate all the Kingdom under one flag, ended on the 2 January 2021.
The Federation gathered 7 Houses from non-contiguous land.
The Malaxe is a unicameral polyarchic federation where every subject is a member of the parliament, known as The Table (French: La Tablée) and vote laws.
As a new micronation, The Malaxe yet not have any foreign relations with other micronations.
Etymology
The name Malaxe is the French word for knead. It comes from the action of mixing the Millennium Salad of the national dish.
Flag
The red color is for the wine and the raw meat. The orange stands for the sun and the beer. The blue circle represents a swimming pool and the sky.
The corkscrew is for the beverage and the fork is for the grill and the hop is the national plant. They are all in yellow and in the blue circle to represents the friendship.
History
A large majority of Malaxists are direct descendants of the Barbequists or have a least a distant affiliation with the Barbequists.
The first trace of the presence of the Barbequists in the world was found in the present-day Luxembourg City and are dated back to the neolithic period.
Then the first barbecue-grill remains were found in Bormes-Les-Mimosas, dating back to the middle of the Iron Age.
The oldest whole barbecue has been found on the banks of Sognefjord in Norway and is dated back to the second half of the Nordic Bronze Age.
Nobody knows actually how the Barbequists managed to established themselves around the world leaving so few traces. Historians and archaeologists are agreed to say that Barbequists are more like a community of insiders who meet at specific time of the year like the Gallic druids in the forest of the Carnutes.
Mastering the flame cooking of foodstuffs, the Barbequists have been through History discreetly, their art being based on a strong oral tradition.
On the 8 July 2017, the Federated Kingdoms of the Malaxe is officially constitued, claiming to be the heirs of the Barbequists tradition. It's the first time in world history that they have come out as an established state.
No constitution has been ratified yet.
Politics and government
The Malaxe is unicameral polyarchic federation lead by a King-Protector assisted by the First-King. They have no power over other subjects (knows as Electors), they have only representational roles.
The King-Protector and First-King are chosen by random draw each year. After their term of office they can not be re-draw for three years.
The Malaxe is a federation without political party to keep a strong unity among subject.
Every Malaxist represents his House as Elector. Every Elector has a voice for each vote.
Law and order
Laws are proposed and voted at La Tablée.
Justice is served at La Tablée. The penalties range from doing the dishes to a permanent banishment. Every subject is a member of the jury.
There is no police force in The Malaxe.
Foreign relations
The Malaxe grants temporary residence permits for foreign citizens, mainly during the annual Fête de la Bombance.
Military
Officially there no military forces in the Malaxe, but every subject is trained in Coude Maga (Elbow Maga) - the original source of Krav Maga but mainly based on the elbow strike and the striking technique knows as "la dalle en pente" (the sloping slab).
Administration
The Malaxe consists of seven Houses:
- House Balny-Gabinie
- House Langevin de Potame
- House Daliphard-Letang-La Mauliste
- House Capellus-Promonus-Grobius
- House Rigaud-Effect
- House Vandendriessche-Peroni-Maisonais
- House Van Dhom-Cat
Every House is self-administered according to the strict application of the constitution.
The capital and largest city is Bourg-la-Malaxe where the Tablée sits.
Economy
There is actually no industry or company based in The Malaxe.
Language
French is the official language as every French-speaking language with strong accent like québecois, walloon, swiss, ch'ti...
English is the usual language used in international communication.
Religion
The Malaxe is a secular federation but everyone is allowed and encouraged to live his own spirituality, respecting the beliefs of others.
However a trend rises with many subjects often referring to an obsolete deity : The Left.
Woman rights
The woman condition are at a high level in The Malaxe, every kitchen being equipped with a dishwasher.
Culture and media
The National Day is on the 8 July. It celebrated the foundation of The Malaxe as a free country based on friendship and barbecue. Rumors says that this National Day has a secret signification only knows by the Malaxists and this is one of the most kept secret in the world.
| DATE | ENGLISH NAME | LOCAL NAME | REMARKS |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 January | New Year's Day | Jour de l'An | |
| 4 May | May the 4th be with you | La Fête à Gillou | |
| 8 July | National Day | Fête Nationale | |
| Moveable | St.Grill festival | Fête de la Saint-Grill | Festival of table arts during the last week-end of June |
| Moveable | La Raclalette | Family celebrations during the first week-end of December | |
| 31 December | New Year's Eve | À l'année prochaine | Binge drinking in tuxedos |
The national sport is the Pétanque followed by the Mölkky and the Kubb.
The national dish is a BBQ grilled piece of meat with the Millennium Salad (the recipe is kept secret since immemorial time, but there is salad, tomatoes, onions and corn in it).
Honorific Title
Each Malaxists subject can choose an honorary title (e.g. baron, king, professor) at his majority for the rest of his life or until his banishment. This title precedes his name on official documents, during diplomatic meetings or during international communications (e.g. Baron John Doe).
The honorific title can be used outside the federation as long as it does not harm the greatness of the Malaxe.
The subject can decide not to choose honorific title and will be named Elector.
Before his majority, each Malaxists' child is named Esquire.
However, this honorific title has no hierarchical value, each subject being equal in rights and duties.
Honorific Order
Every subject can be ordered on others subjects recommendation and voted at La Tablée. The recommended subject can vote against himself if he considers he does not deserve it.
There is two honorific orders:
The Order of the Brewers
- First Waiter (1st grade) - Premier Serveur
- Can Master (2nd grade) - Maître de Canisse
- First Brewer (3rd grade) - Premier Brasseur
- Barrel Master (Last grade) - Maître de Fût
The Order of St. Grill
- Barbequiste (1st grade)
- First Barbecue (2nd grade) - Premier Barbecue
- Grand Grill Master (Last grade) - Grand Maître de Grillade
National awards
High skilled subjects can be honored by the nation with three national awards:
- The Pun Medallion - Le Médaillon du Calembour
- The Big Meat Medallion - Le Médaillon de la Grande Barbak
- Knight of Bacon & Hearth Medallion - Chevalier du Lard et de l'Âtre
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