Badu Park 'Colonial' Expansion

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Badu Park 'Colonial' Expansion is the term coined to describe Japitty Cumquat's falied conquest of lands other then Badu Park


Conquest of the Badu Mangroves

A map of Cumquats Journey to the Badu Mangroves

In early 2022 Japitty Cumquat announced that he would begin looking for new lands to 'colonise'. He got the idea after reading five pages of a book about Captain Cook. On the 21st of March, Cumquat claimed to have 'discovered' a new land mass for him to colonise. The area in question that he 'discovered' was a small patch of mangroves called the Badu Mangrove Reserve. Japitty Cumquat knowingly chose this area to colonise because it had the word Badu in the name. A week later, Japitty dispatched his expeditionary team (which consisted of him, two unwilling members of his presidential guard, 'qualified' navigation expert Gulag McPhillip, Dick Smith and a sailor of the Badu Park Municipal People's Navy) to the mangroves to set up a 'colony'. The set sail onboard the BPMN Badu Park National Anthem (a small cardboard boat). They began by sailing down Johnstons Creek (on a tiny stream of water) to Rozell bay. By the time they reached Rozell Bay the boat was halfway underwater and most of there 'supplies' (a packet of Coles brand chips, a blowing up mattress with a hole in it and an expired can of chickpeas) had been lost in Johnston's creek when the boat capsized. It was at this point that the one sailor dropped the boat's one oar into the water. After this they were stranded in the middle of Rozell Bay. After becoming stranded Japitty reportedly had a 'hissy fit' and demanded that Dick Smith get in the water and swim the boat to the mangroves. Dick Smith refused which infuriated cumquat. Whilst Cumquat was ranting the presidential guard managed to make a small rudimentary oar out of a small plastic spoon and some cardboard taken from the ships structure. With this new advancement Japitty Cumquat calmed down and they once again set off.

They somehow managed to make it to Sydney harbour without sinking. At this point the boat was beginning to fall apart and the makeshift oar was not enough to push through the ocean currents. At this point one of Japitty's presidential guards began to cry and the rest of the ship became frantic. Everyone (expect Cumquat) started to look for a place to dock the decaying cardboard boat. It was at this point that the makeshift oar broke and Dick Smith was forced to get in the water and swim the boat to the mangroves. It then set in that Japitty was going to force them to come with him to the mangroves even if it killed them. By then the boat (what remained of it) was floating up the parramatta river towards Cabarita Beach. By this time most of the expeditionary team were suffering from sea sickness and very mild hypothermia. After about three hours of swimming up parramatta river Dick smith passed out and fell underwater. Dick smith was rescued by a member of Japitty's presidential guard and resuscitated in the soggy pile of cardboard and was again forced by cumquat to swim up the river. He refused and was subsequently spanked by Cumquat. Gulag McPhillip volunteered to swim the boat but got out of the sea after five minutes. At this point it was 7:00 at night and everyone (expect Cumquat) was scared, tired and hungry, but at 7:20 they realised that they were caught on a mangrove. The boat finally gave in and sank but by then it was pitch black and Gulag McPhillip's torch was destroyed by the water. They spent the night clinging onto mangrove roots. By dawn the expeditionary team found the shore and Cumquat proceeded to declare that the entire mangrove reserve to be a colony of Badu Park. But after this a police boat pulled into the mangroves. They explained how they had received calls from concerned early morning joggers about deranged hooligans defacing the reserve. Japitty Cumquat subsequently received a ticket for littering. The police took the entire expeditionary team back to Badu Park. This concluded the first colonial outing of the Badu Park Municipal Government and Japitty Cumquat. The first colonial outing of the Badu Park was an utter disaster, in hindsight the team could have driven to the mangroves. It was revelled after, that Gulag McPhillip had a minivan capable of fitting the team and adequate supplies for a camping trip. The only reason that the team used the BPMN Badu Park National Anthem was because Japitty Cumquat demanded to go by boat, despite the abhorrent danger of taking a small cardboard boat out to sea. But again even if Japitty wanted to take a boat he could have caught a ferry to Homebush Bay.

Current Conquests


Japitty's planned route to Badu Island

on 29th of March Japitty Cumquat released his plans to take his team to colonise Badu Island (a small island located in the Torre Straight Islands). He planned to take his expeditionary team onboard the 'Fuck' Class Hydrographic Survey Vessel, BPMN Fortified Shelter (a stolen surf board). They also plan to have support from the 'Polluted Lake' Class SSBN, BPMN Japitty Cumquat has a Big Peen (a large cardboard tube). Travelling to Badu Island via a surf board has been recognised by most people with common sense as one of the most ludicrously dangerous ideas ever conceived by man. But since Japitty is not a normal person with common sense he proceeded to plan. This trip will involve someone paddling up the east coast of Australia (which would easily take more than a year at Japitty's paddling speed) with limited food, no clean drinking water and nowhere to sleep. This is not taking into account the amount of people that Japitty demands to accompany him.


Japitty underway to Badu Island

On the 30 of March Japitty set off from a dog beach in Rozell bay and paddled out to the Anzac bridge. His expeditionary team, which consisted of him, two unwilling members of his presidential guard, 'qualified' navigation expert Gulag McPhillip, Dick Smith and a sailor of the Badu Park Municipal People's Navy would also accompany him on the surfboard. He forced Dick Smith to padded the surfboard. By 9:00 at night japitty and his team had reached the Sydney heads (passing the USJP Wednesday, which is a hijacked ferry anchored past the Sydney heads, which they could have commandeered). It was pitch black and rainy out past the heads and Japitty's team were fearing for there lives. as of the 1st of April 2022 Japitty and his team have not even padded past Newcastle. The conquest is still ongoing and at this current time Japitty and his crew's whereabouts is unknown. Many people (Cheezit McDaniels) have stated that they hope Japitty drowns at sea. This is very unlikely since Japitty is essentially immortal. The Australian Defence Force has launched a search and rescue mission to try and locate the members of the crew (excluding Japitty). On Monday 4 April the SAR team found a leather shoe which they presume belongs to Cumquat. They still have not found the expeditionary team.