War of the Upper Playground

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War of the Upper Playground
Date May 2006
Location Upper Playground
Result Decisive Midget victory; start of Pax Midgetana
 • Midget Empire
 • Yr. 4 vassal gang
 • Skipping Rope Gang
 • Yr. 4 Skipping Ropean allies
 • Yr. 5 gang  • Yr. 6 gang
 • Midget Master Jonathan (II)  • Unknown  • Unknown  • Unknown
 • ~30
 • ~8
 • ~10
 • ~8
 • ~10  • ~10

The War of the Upper Playground was the final war of the Midget Empire, with a Midget victory over the gangs of the Upper Playground resulting in Midget control over all of the Playground other than the Football Pitch, starting what is known as the Pax Midgetana. The War was the last time that the then Midget Master Jonathan would take part in a conflict until the 2009 Skirmish of Beddington Park, and his control over an army of just under 40 soldiers remains to this day the largest force he has led in a single engagement.


By late May 2006, the Midget Empire had consolidated its control over the majority of the Playground. Within the last two months, it had emerged victorious from an inter-school war, put down a revolution, and quashed a rebellion in the de facto capital. Only two areas of the Playground remained outside of Midget control - the Football Pitch and the Upper Playground. While the Footballers were a strong and united force, the Upper Playground was home to five different warring gangs - the Skipping Rope Gang, a gang of Yr. 6s, a gang of Yr. 5s, and two gangs of Yr. 4s. With no plans to ever attack the Football Pitch, Midget Master Jonathan organised a final war of Midget expansion, aiming to conquer the Upper Playground. He summoned his elite bodyguard unit (the "Praetorian Guards") and reinforcing them with some soldiers from the Quiet Area and Quiet Area Pathway's garrisons assembled a force of about thirty soldiers.


Midget Master Jonathan led his army into the Upper Playground via the Quiet Area Pathway, immediately coming into contact with the remnants of the once huge Skipping Rope Gang. He gave them a choice of surrender, vassalage, or conquest, and the Skipping Rope Gang surprisingly chose to resist, persuading one of the Yr. 4 gangs to help them fight off the Midgets. A battle was fought, resulting in the subjugation and defeat of the Skipping Rope Gang and Yr. 4 gang to the Midgets. The three remaining gangs were engaged in a three-way war with each other and were utterly incapable of joining forces to resist the invaders. The Midget Army conquered the gang of Yr. 6s, resulting in the second gang of Yr. 4s choosing to become vassals of the Midget Empire. The Midget Master sent these vassal Yr. 4s against the single remaining independent Upper Playground gang, a group of Yr. 5s, but the Yr. 4s were defeated and retreated, joining the Midget Army as full soldiers. The Midget Master then led the combined army of his invasion force and the Yr. 4s against the Yr. 5s, defeating them with ease and so conquering the entire Upper Playground.


The Upper Playground was made a province of the Midget Empire. The Midget Master installed the leader of the vassal Yr. 4s as Governor of the Upper Playground, and left the Yr. 4s who had joined the Midget Army as well as about a third of the invasion force (totalling 18-20 soldiers), including the entirety of the Praetorian Guard, as a garrison.

With the conquest of the Upper Playground, only the Football Pitch remained outside of Midget control. The Midget Empire had brought back the state of the Playground under King Billy (1997) - the Midgets entered into an eternal alliance with the Footballers, and with nobody left to conquer, the Playground entered a period of peace and unity until the fall of the Midget Empire: the Pax Midgetana.

On 30 December 2009, Midget Master Caroline III issued a formal apology "to all those adversely affected by the hostile actions taken by the Midget Army against the Upper Playground... in May 2006".